I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
