I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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