and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
