its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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