...so i touched it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
