drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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