just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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