Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
