dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
