And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
