Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize