drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
