I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
