MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize