so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
