Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
