I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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