She announced her abortion via fbk
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
