I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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