I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
