I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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