I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
