Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize