3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
