Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
