he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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