You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
