I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize