he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
