You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
