If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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