So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
