the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
