hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
