I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
