Don't make out with my wife yet
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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