3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
