I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
