I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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