Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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