i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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