I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
