Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
