i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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