the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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