I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
