What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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