I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She even gives head with a lisp.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
