It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
