I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
