In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
