I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
