I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
