Please, let me fuck your mom
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
