I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
