im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
