Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
