your thong is hanging out like whoa
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think people are normalizing furries
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize