dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
