Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
