No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
