are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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