so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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