remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
