My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
