His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
