i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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