I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
