I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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