well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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