Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
