I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
