Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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