apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
