My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
