I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
