Too much gin, very little bucket
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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