sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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