i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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