i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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