Screwed.edu
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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