just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
