i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
