Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
