If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
