I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
